Being a Woman and Leading in a Man's World

A friend of mine asked me to write an excerpt on my experiences of being a woman executive in a male dominated space. This is what I wrote:

I’d never given much thought to leading in a room full of men… until I found myself leading only men.

But let me back up.

I was born and raised in California. I bring that up because I often wonder if because of the early rise in female leadership in notable companies, including large Christian organizations, on the West Coast, I almost never faced discrimination in the work place based on my gender. Gender was not a topic of conversation in the early years of my career. I grew up with two working parents, as did all of my friends. As far as I was concerned, there were no glass ceilings for me.

As an intern in my early twenties, I had both men and women in positions of authority invest in me and I was given every opportunity that the men were given. I had a speaking career that was birthed in my mid-twenties and I remember an older man sitting in the audience during one of my gigs. He approached me after the fact, gave me a genuine compliment, followed up by, “But I’m not sure how I feel about women preaching.” To be honest, I assumed in part that he was joking because I didn’t realize there were people who actually still believed that. I shrugged it off and went on with my life. Because of my larger context, comments like these left me relatively unfazed.

My career took twists and turns over the years and eventually led me to the south. It was in the south where I learned that people play by different rules in the workplace. Gender started to matter in certain situations, and what seemed so clear to me regarding my leadership – seemed to be not as clear to other people. It was all very fascinating to me.

But what was even more fascinating to me was that I made the decision to own who I was, to not shy away from my skillset and wiring because of being a female, and to keep moving forward. Even when my gender was called into question. I let it roll off my back like water over a duck’s feathers. This was different than other women who grew up in the south.

And I think that saved me. That mindset was, and still is, the biggest piece of leadership advice I have to offer to young women stepping into a man’s world.

 Leadership is mental.

It was in my late-thirties, when I found myself leading a team of all men. All married men, at that. Mind you, I was the only single person in the room, so being single and female, was potentially a recipe for disaster in the south. Before my first day, I found myself questioning everything. I wasn’t in California anymore. This was the south; the south where these things mattered.

But on that first day, I gave myself a pep talk. I reminded myself that the context didn’t matter. My skillset, experience, and wiring wasn’t going to change because I was in a different geographical location. I was capable and had every reason to be confident. So I walked into my first meeting committed to being kind but clear, to ask good questions, listen well, and lead. And that’s exactly what I did.

For the duration of my time with that team, our dynamics and relationships were top-notch.

And on my last day with them, I asked them about those dynamics. We had open and honest communication and I was curious what they thought, if anything, of being led by a woman. I told them that I had never experienced anything but respect from Day 1 from each of them and wanted to know why that was. One by one, the men told me some version of, “Good leadership is good leadership. You can either lead or you can’t and that has nothing to do with gender. If you had walked in here hesitant or questioning yourself, then we would have as well. But you didn’t. Besides, you had a reputation that preceded you, so we already had an idea of your track record.”

And there it was. The most valuable piece of feedback I’ve ever received. Good leadership is good leadership. And I held the power to hijack my own career by telling a story in my own head that I should be doubted exclusively for being a woman. But I didn’t do that. After all, men don’t walk into a room and wonder what everyone thinks of their gender, so why should I?

Whether male or female, you have a responsibility to study, learn, and practice all the things that make up a good leader. And then do it. If the calling on your life is to lead, then don’t let the exterior context thwart that. So much of leadership is mental gymnastics and the stories we tell ourselves about what people may or may not be thinking. And if we allow those stories to dominate our decisions about leadership, then we’ll take ourselves out of the game before we even get to play.

You have every right to a position of authority just like anyone else. Don’t let the mental game beat you. Step into that room with confidence and just lead.